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Your Feedback: When do we "take" your kids?

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Date: Fri Oct 26 2001 - 11:35:24 EDT


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Good People,

This message contains your FEEDBACK and opinions:

1. What is serious "child abuse?" -- when do we take your kids?
2. General opinions -- especially good message on MADD and reform.


1. What is serious "child abuse?" -- when do we take your kids?
----------------------------------------------------------------

On a recent message we had asking what you think serious "child abuse"
is? The entire message can be found at
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/archive/archive2001
An excerpt follows, then your comments:

===============
* A single parent family where the father has died.  Mom is convicted of
a DWI (no accident, children were NOT in the car) -- does society
interfere?

* Same as above, no accident, but the children are in the car?

* You have two parents who smoke "like chimnies" in the house with their
children (who they love).  Without a doubt, breathing that second hand
smoke will shorten their lifetimes. Does the government have the right
to step in and take the children until the parents stop smoking? (Or
will the children be abused by that experience?)

* Same situation as above, BUT -- the couple splits, the mother quits
smoking, the mother continues to smoke.  Does the government now have
the right to take the child from Mom?

* You have two handicapped parents (wheel chairs) who have children.
Admitedly, in an emergency situation they may not be able to protect
their children as well.  Admittedly, they may not be able to do some
activities with their children as well.  Does social services have the
right to take the children to a 'better' home?  (This one is REAL and
they did take the kids -- another case from Canada
http://www.AKidsRight.org/shame5.htm#edberg)

* Same situation as above, BUT -- the couple splits, only one parent is
handicapped?
===============

[As you review some of the thoughts below. Please ask yourself the
question -- "what about my right to nurture my child?"  We did not
get a lot of direct answers to the questions above. We would welcome
any other ideas on the above situations!]


---- Ahippiecwgrl@aol.com

It seems as though our Government wants to ensure the demise of our
society by allowing our children to raised with the notion that "it's
OK" to use drugs, alchohol and abuse in any form. To be a descent
person, free of vices and a clear mind are obviously not desireable
qualities to pass on to our children.

As your letter indicated, children are not objects to be shared. They
are precious young seeds that need to be protected, now more than
ever, even from a parent, who does not understand what it means to be
a parent. The problem is that our Goverment is for sale and the
interest of a few such as these Radical Father Right's groups and
their money is making our lives surreal. I believe that yes, fathers
have rights, too but not more than mother.

It is obscene that children are taken from their mother because she
tries to protect her children. And only in America is motherhood so
devalued and trivialized.  There are clear instances where children do
need goverment to interfere but each case should be treated
individually with compassion ( what's that!).  Something like smoking
should not be a determing factor to take a child from Mom!  Unless the
child has a health condition such as asthma. Then she should be
educated and encouraged to stop. In case, my son was ripped from me
and given to be raised by a man who has abused him in every way! Yes,
and it was substantiated by our government with out a doubt... yet he
is the better parent!


---- THARPER001@aol.com

While I would never want anyone interfering with the way I raise my
children, I don't think the government steps in as often as they
should.  In our society, we have taken action away from the school
teachers, the day-care centers and, in some cases, even parents.
We're too afraid of being "politically incorrect" and being sued.
When I was in school, and it wasn't that long ago, I was sent to the
office one time.  I was scared to death...  first of all, telling my
parents was going to be hell.  They expected more out of me.  Second
of all, I did not want to face the principal.  They did not do corpal
punishment, but they still had the upper hand.  Today, kids don't fear
anything, because no one can punish them, and they know it.  They are
taught however, that if their parents spank them, they can call HRS.
I'm sorry, but I will spank my children if they deserve it.  I was
spanked when I was a child, maybe once every four or five months.  I
respected my parents, and my children will respect me.  The government
doesn't want to step in, but yet they teach our children otherwise and
take our control away from us.

As far as abuse goes, I have a 9 year old, soon-to-be, stepdaughter.
Since she was born, her mother has moved her to 17 different houses
(that's moving almost every six months); the child attended 4
different schools last year...  she has attended approximately 9
schools since the winter of 1998; the mother cannot hold a steady
job... can't hold a steady boyfriend either.  Even the school teacher
has mentioned to her father that this child does not get what she
needs at home.

To me, this is absolutely, no question about it, emotional abuse.
This child is suffering at the hands of her mother... no not with
bruises and scars, but emotionally.  With emotional abuse, the effects
might not show up until years down the road.  We have called the
Department of Children and Family, and basically have been told they
can't do anything.  They don't see anything wrong with a 9 year old
staying home by herself until 7:00 pm and probably later than that,
having to rely on either her father or soccer coach to pick her up for
soccer games... they live 1.5 hours away from us, and her father gets
down there as often as possible (normally goes to lunch with her at
least once a week).  The child, who lives about 2 miles from the
school, has been tardy almost every day this year.

We took her to court two years ago, after thoroughly researching and
documenting everything for about six months.  We handed this case to
our attorney on a silver platter... we had about 15 witnesses,
included two ex-boyfriends of the mother, the community center staff
(after-school care), the soccer coach, a police officer... all of
these pillars of the community were going to testify for us... we even
wrote the questions for the depositions.  We also had proof that she
was living with someone who she had an active restraining order on
with a 3 page signed testimony that violence occurred in front of the
child.  We decided to take her to court when she told us she was going
to marry this person.  UNFORTUNATELY, our attorney never did what we
hired him to do.  He had phone numbers, a 3", 3-ring binder full of
information and documentation.  He never filed for the modification.
So, after six months of nothing, we let it go because the mother had
put the child in a private school, had moved into a place of her own.
We knew what that would look like in a court's eyes.  Even though,
tigers can't change their stripes.

We are waiting on another opportunity to win custody... we both have
had the same jobs for the past six, seven years.  (I've only worked
for 3 employers in my 13 years in the workforce).  I am also a
part-time student.  The father lived in the same place for seven years
prior to our recent move into a wonderful, family-oriented
neighborhood.  Yes, we do live together and are planning to get
married in March.  We have been together for 3 years, and I did not
move in until about 1.5 years into the relationship.  I have been in
her life for a while.  Clearly, he is the better-suited parent to be
raising his daughter.  Unfortunately, as she gets older, she is
getting a smart mouth, she can't get along with other children, the
teacher constantly has to move her around the class room.  She blames
everyone else when she gets in trouble.  She's a very bright kid, but
I'm afraid if we don't get custody within the next year or so, she's
going to have a very tough life.  And we're going to have a tough time
trying to correct what her mother has done.  And, like most fathers,
her father doesn't want to come down on her too hard because of her
circumstances that she has to live with every day.

A lot of changes need to be made for the best interest of the
children.  Every case is different.  I believe the government should
pay more attention to the facts of each case, and not view it as a he
said, she said.  We have so much documentation that is nothing but
FACT.  Can't argue with it.  And clearly it shows who the better
parent would be.  I know there are those out there that might not be
able to hold a steady job, or are constantly moving, and they truly
love their children.  Those are the ones that spend ALL their spare
time with their children.  This woman does not.  She doesn't have a
caring bone in her body.  She is concerned about herself first, and
true parents always put their children first.

I know some of this is just rambling, our case is so involved, I could
write a novel.  Sorry about the length.


---- Bill Wood - woodb01@bellsouth.net

Regarding the idea:
---
Children are not possessions.  They are not for their parent's
amusement.  We should take more consideration in the rights of the
innocent and less of the parents.
---

I think if this is what she believes, that parents need LESS RIGHTS,
then SHE should be the first to give her own up.  This commentary is
reminiscint of what Jefferson said about security.  When you give up
liberty and freedom for security, you get neither (paraphrased).  She
should not be a parent with this dangerous philosophy about parenting.

Also, I have been seeing more and more of the "fem" sob stories and
men's stories seem to be conspicuously absent.  Also, most of these
stories are strikingly similar with claims of drugs, alcohol, child
abuse, and domestic violence.  Yet oddly, it seeems that ALL of the
reputable studies demonstrate that men don't have a "corner" or "lock"
on those markets.  I'm wondering how many plants are at work...


---- kidsright@yahoo.com (Not associated with AKidsRight.Org)

Thoughts on the same idea (above):

Congratulations to the person that wrote into you!  They understand
what abuse is and you have no concept what it is about!  The single
greatest abuse to children is child abuse.  This includes beating your
children, verbally assulting them and molesting them!  Sir, that is
abuse!  If you have ever lived through it, than you would know!

Again, I am glad this lady articulated the more important concern in our
society!



2. General Opinions
-------------------

---- NOT a good idea - THARPER001@aol.com

I completely agree with what you all are trying to do.  However, I do
not agree with you making a big deal about not being able to walk
around the floor of a federal building, or that Senator Clinton and
her staff did not feel comfortable with your presence.  While you
stated that everyone was treated fairly, I still caught a slight
attitude about not being able to do what has been done in the past.
Might I remind you, especially in a Federal building, things aren't
the same and they won't be for some time, if ever.

Don't overshadow your purpose by trying to walk around Federal
buildings and get slapped with a trespassing warning.  That's only
going to cause confusion and take up someone's time that should be
focusing on real threats.  There is one thing, and one thing only on
everyone's mind... Unfortunately, that has put other causes on the
back burners.

---- Learn from MADD - Doug Heffley - dheffley@essex1.com

For those of you who want to believe: One of the best examples I know
of for successful Grassroots Political Action is Mother's Against Drunk
Driving (MADD).

Although Candy Lightner is probably the best known of MADD's
organizers, MADD was established by a group of women in California
outraged after the death of a teenage girl killed by a repeat-offender
drunk driver.  Their story best tells the short comings of our so
called representative form of government.  I suggest each of you rent
and view "The Cindy Lightner Story".  A responsive government would
not have had to be embarrassed into passing stronger penalties against
drunk drivers.  The liquor lobby had the majority of "Government
Officials" in their hip pocket.  Most of the dedicated women who
started MADD didn't work "Part-Time" at it!  They had to quit their
jobs and neglect their families in order to get "Our Responsive
Government" to listen and act upon the statistics.

It wasn't visits to Washington or Sacramento that got the ball
rolling!  It was the badgering of the media until they came on board!
Until that time their pleas fell upon the deaf ears of "Government
Officials"!  Not until the Washington elite was thoroughly embarrassed
in the press and on the evening news did things start to change.  When
Washington excepted the fact that MADD was not going to give up and go
home then, and only then did the Washington crowd try to make out that
they were always on the side of "Accountability"!

So if you are willing and able to give up your jobs and follow a good
example for a non-violent battle plan, follow the example of the best
of the best!  Today MADD has enough funding to pay most of their "Full
Timers" and have a Nation Office as well as chapters scattered across
the fifty states.  I volunteer myself, when I am available.  Today the
Washington crowd gather and listen when MADD speaks!  MADD now
received donations from a large group of fortune 500 companies as well
as public donations.  This is what it takes to maintain a "Political
Action Committee".  If I knew of one group in our interests that had
promise like this I would be less of a pessimist!  It is not that we
haven't made some progress, it is the fact that those who profit off
of the misery of others still control 90% of the legislation passed
concerning family matters and their interests represent their
continued profits and not the effects this industry actually
perpetrates on families!


---- Needs a little help! - Susan Regan - saavikkam77@hotmail.com

HEY,. EVERYBODY, HOW'S IT GOING? AS FOR ME MY CASEWORKER HAS SUSPENDED
ALL OF MY VISITS WITH MY OLDEST DAUGHTER ASHLEY. THEY SAID SHE DOESN'T
WANT TO SEE ME ANYMORE. BUT, THEY SAID I COULD VISIT MINA. BUT, IT
HAS TO BE WHILE ASHLEY IS IN SCHOOL. SO, THINGS HAVE BEEN SOMEWHAT
UPSETTING.  MU FORMER ATTORNEY TODL ME I COULD FILE A SUIT AGAINST THE
STATE SO, I'M GOING TO LOOK INTO IT AND SHE WHAT I COULD DO. IF ANYONE
HAS ANY ADVICE PLEASE WRITE ME.  THANKS AND GOD BLESS,


---- Your messages help - Kelly Graham - akakelleygraham@yahoo.com

 Everytime I feel like my situation is hopeless and that I am alone in
this, I get a newsletter from you.  Thanks for keeping me in touch
with the real world.  Its so easy to feel crazy when everyone around
you (uninformed people) tells you you're wrong.  Thanks for the moral
support.


---- Couldn't hug my child - Alan Rosenthal - IFindOut@aol.com

After the World Trade Center attack, President Bush spoke to
Congress. One of the first "directives" he gave to the American People
was to "HUG YOUR CHILDREN".

I could not fulfill the President's directive thanks to the courts.

This added hurt to horror in my day.


---- The issue is Civil Rights - Craig - craig@fatherlove.com

In the context of major injustices of the past such as slavery and a
women's right to vote the failure of our political leaders to
recognize the destruction of our families is shameful.  But, I
strongly support what you and your associates are working towards.


---- Keep trying for Reform - Peter Tonkin - ptonkin@bridgemicro.com

Keep going I love the fact that you love your child, keep going, you
make things shake and society needs a shaking, we need support for our
divorced children, they need us now that our country is in a
ramble. If I need to protect my divorced son, I can't even get him out
of his school because I'm not on the list of people to accept him. You
are important to the children of the next generation.......Peter


---- Regarding Senator Hillary Clinton's refusal to respond - Karl Denninger
     - karl@FS.Denninger.net

Media folks, media.

You should have come with a tape recorder, or even better, a video
recorder. Get Clinton's staff saying ON CAMERA that she does not want to
hear
more about this issue.

Then get that to the media.




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