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[AKidsRight.Org] The Discipline of Lent: Introspection and Family Law Reform
From: John Murtari (jmurtari@akidsright.org)
Good People & People of Faith: Wow, sorry for the imposing subject line. But this is a message for the season. We've talked about efforts for reform, and building a 'Field of Dreams', and protecting our GREAT right to be parents to our own children. As Shrek would say, "Like that's ever going to happen!" You wonder why parents give up? What it takes to keep going? I'm going back to the Syracuse Federal Building next Tuesday, March 1st, with more chalk in hand - why? http://www.AKidsRight.Org/actionc_syr This is a long message. Hopefully you can read it when you have time. I welcome your thoughts and hope to share those in an upcoming FEEDBACK. Why Give Up on Reform? ---------------------- Don't you know -- the system is strong, you are weak, and the effort is divided. The time you've missed with your kids growing up is GONE. There is no 'make up' time. Oh, and forget what the neighbors say -- when your kids grow up, they still may want no part of you. You're not getting any younger and guess what? Even though you have never won anything in your life -- on an upcoming Doctor visit, they are going to find a strange 'lump' and bingo -- a winning ticket in the Cancer Lottery! It may be time for you to pay a visit to http://www.despair.com/ -- they have some wonderful 'anti' motivational posters. One of my favorites is "In every race there is only ONE winner and many, many losers -- you are probably one of those." Please, the above is not for 'shock' appeal. Those statements are pretty true. If we want to participate in the reform effort and make personal sacrifice for reform -- can we find the motivation it takes to make it through all that? How do we ignite a 'grass roots' effort among parents that can change the heart of the Nation? How can just a few parents, or even one acting alone -- be willing to take such action? What does it take -- will NonViolent Action work? A Cold, Rainy, Lonely Day in Syracuse ------------------------------------- On Valentine's Day I was outside the Syracuse Federal Building. It was cold, snow on the ground, gusty winds, and rain. I was the only one there. Looking up at a dull, gray sky. I stood there for a while, holding our petition of pictures. Then I took out some blue chalk and wrote 'I LOVE YOU DOM -- Sen. Clinton Help Us'. Did I say it was cold? That no one else bothered to show? The ground was wet. I went back to standing. I watched the words as they began to fade in the water -- great, just great! Did I tell you how cold it was? Nobody else showed. Was anybody even paying attention? Sometimes it just feels good to sink into a little despair. I couldn't even do that. One of the building security guys came out (I know them all pretty well). He was in a great mood and stopped to chat for a bit. He told me, "John, I may not agree with you -- but I have to admire your conviction." Yeah, I thought, that and a buck will get me a cup of coffee. As I starting to write this I'm sitting on a plane heading out West to see Domenic. Crossing the country for a weekend. It is "President's Day" weekend, and Dom is off on Friday and Monday. I had hoped for a couple of extra days together -- but the answer was 'No'. Don't blame her, I'm thousands of dollars of behind in support. Tit for tat -- sounds fair? I just booked our tickets for Spring Break, got a little shorted on that vacation time to -- but heah, I take what I can get. What does the System do? It runs parents together like locomotives on the same track -- with the kids riding in the back. It doesn't matter what train you are on, you still lose. Did I tell you I'm broke, actually broke probably says zero money, I've been operating in negative numbers for years. A couple of credit cards charged up to the max and over $50,000 in judgments they would love to enforce -- but they have already picked me clean. Driving an 88 Dodge Caravan with 250,000 miles on it (and it looks like it's been to the moon too!). When 'investment planners' call me at the office -- I just start laughing. Planning for retirement? Get real! See what happens when you buck the system? What a minute, take that back... See what happens when your stupid? Now, does that sound a little better to you? The 'trap' of being RESULTS oriented ------------------------------------ Now, NOT being results oriented doesn't sound like one of the 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.' But it is very true when we talk about the personal sacrifice involved in NonViolent Action. [BIG NOTE - NonViolent Action is NOT writing letters, lobbying, talking, or getting a permit for a march -- check link below]. Here is a good quote on being 'results oriented' -- sound like you at times? "He who is brooding over result often loses nerve in the performance of duty. He becomes impatient and then gives vent to anger . . . he jumps from action to action, never remaining faithful to any. He who broods over results . . . is every distracted, he says good-bye to all scruples, everything is right in his estimation and he therefore resorts to means fair & foul to attain his end. Not focusing on "results" gives one the inner peace to achieve final goals, this is renunciation." Who said this, Mahatma Gandhi, http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil_back.htm Why did he say it? Because it is true. We need to remember that all we can control is our behavior and actions (and some of us have a hard time with that). Take action because you feel it is the right thing to do -- but not waiting for a result. It is hard to do. Isn't that why people like to 'yell' at 'protests' and do a little 'name calling'! Let's make those $astards feel it! How about the murder/suicide bombers in the Middle East. Let's show people we are willing to die for our cause, but, in case that is not enough -- let's take a few people with us! Faith? ------ I'll talk about Faith in this message. I hope folks don't tune out immediately! I have to make one observation. Especially among those of us who are more 'educated', I find people fascinated by Native American 'spirit quests' or in rapture of an Inuit Shaman's story of creation or the struggle between good & evil. But talk to these folks about David & Goliath, they laugh! Imagine that! Have we missed the richness of our own traditions? We have members of the group of many Faiths. We have people of no Faith. They are all welcome and we are not trying to 'convert' anyone. That is NOT what this group is about. But as we talk about NonViolent Action as practiced by Gandhi and King, those were movements primarily by people of Faith. In my messages I use examples drawn from Christian Traditions, that is what I am most familiar with and also many of you -- and hopefully others can translate into their traditions. What about Lent and Ramadan --------------------------- Many of us know about the Christian Season of 'Lent', but what about the Islamic observation of Ramadan? From Seaton College: "Ramadan, is the holy month of fasting according to Islamic tradition. Ramadan fasting is considered one of the five main religious pillars of Islam prescribed in the Koran, the sacred scripture of Islam. Physically unimpaired adult Muslims abstain from drinking and eating, sexual relations, inhaling of fragrance and smoking during the day throughout Ramadan. [Do you get it? No food or water at all from sunrise to sunset -- every day!] According to the Koran, God requires the fast of Ramadan so that believers may cultivate piety." What do you make of that? Makes 'Lent' seem like a cake walk! How about this little salutation from an Muslim Mother who is a member of the group, from Anisah <anisahdavid@sociologist.com> > Bismillah irRahman irRaheem > In the Name of God, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind > May God forgive us for our shortcomings and grant us all success in > this life and the hereafter. Shortcomings -- do you have any of those? The Power to win the battle. The Power of voluntary sacrifice. -------------------------------------------------------------- For those people of Faith. We must know a few things. God may not like some of the things we do (as his children), but he loves us (as his children). He loves you, me, the judges, the social workers, psychologists, and yes -- even the lawyers! Do you think the Divine 'wants' our children to suffer through the present System? No. Can the Divine act in response to our 'prayers' and touch our lives? Of course. What do you think of a 'protest' effort based on humiliating people we disagree with? Attacking the human dignity and value of our former spouse, the other parent of our children? Feel good? Maybe. A Divine cause? No. A waste of time. Certainly. "It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honored by humiliation of their fellow human beings." - Gandhi For ALL of us. I think we all agree that if you commit a crime, there is punishment. If you fail in your obligation to your community, there is a price to pay. But what about when we fail in other higher 'duties'? Penance - An act of self-mortification or devotion performed voluntarily to show sorrow for a sin or other wrongdoing. (www.dictionary.com) Is that old fashioned? People who really participate in Lent or Ramadan don't think so. Have you ever been on a long drive with someone (maybe another activist), and all they do is complain about their former spouse, or the system, or whatever. Everybody blows off a little steam like that, but these folks are perfect victims -- they never even hint at what they might have done to cause the pain their children are going through. Oh -- they do have resume faults -- too trusting, too innocent, too forgiving, etc... I really get a 'laugh' when people tell me how the other parent abuses drugs, alcohol, etc.... I have to wonder, "and did they just start doing this after your child was born? Or is it just bothering you now?" How about you? How Many of Us - Penance? ------------------------- When all these crazy laws were being passed by our legislatures -- just weren't interested in politics. We were into our life. Didn't have time to get involved. Didn't have motivation to get involved - it hadn't happened to us yet? Before we were busy getting out 'groin tickled'. Had we stopped to consider do I know this person? There is a possibility we could have a child. Is this the person I really love? Do I love myself? Two wrongs make a right? The 'other' side is accusing me of all this made up stuff -- I was 'forced' to do the same thing. They were trying to 'turn' the kids against me. I had to set the record 'straight' The voluntary sacrifice that is part of NonViolent Action. Is it meaningful? Is it effective? Yes. It helps us recognize our own failings and the pain WE have caused. And, I don't know how many times I have said this, and it still surprises me -- when I recognized my own failings, I became a lot more tolerant of others. Those of YOU who don't need Penance ----------------------------------- NonViolent Action also operates at another level of conversion, both internal and external. This is an old term you may not be familiar with "vicarious suffering" -- this is the power of voluntary sacrifice offered by someone who was in no need of Penance. For Christians, this is the example of Jesus of Nazareth, willing to let himself be nailed to a cross. A person with no need for Penance. But whose voluntary suffering would empower generations. Here is a brief quote from Buddhist tradition: http://www.themystica.com/mystica/articles/d/dukkha.html The notion of "vicarious suffering" is central within Mahayana Buddhism.... The most cherished example of "vicarious suffering" is the Buddhist tradition is the jatakamala tale of how the Buddha, in a former existence, was a tigress who gave her own body as meat for her cubs to feed upon to save them from starvation. Vietnamese monks and nuns publicly burning themselves to death as an act of witness to the suffering inflicted on the people during the war instanced the tradition of "voluntary sacrifice" as a feature of Mahayana Buddhism in recent times. PLEASE, do not give way to 'faulty dilemma' here. Our effort for Family Law reform doesn't require anyone to die and it is NOT a call to suicide. I remember the anti-war protests from Vietnam, and seeing a photo of a Buddhist monk pouring gasoline over his body and lighting himself. No anger, no emotion. An offering of self. PLEASE, do not confuse this with what must be called pitiable parents who kill themselves and/or others. They are NOT martyrs for a cause, but people drowned in self-pity. Who have lost all Faith and who just want the pain to STOP. It is ALL about them. They are still deserving of our love and compassion, but the acts are senseless. An Offering of Self ------------------- To see real Civil Rights/Family Rights reform happen. We need to convert the heart of the Nation. Talk is cheap - SHOW me what you really believe in. You say your kids are the MOST important thing in your life - SHOW me. Are you willing to give up the other stuff? A lot of smart people give up on serious reform because they start to see all those obstacles. But please keep things in historical perspective. It can happen. It has happened in the past. Just 50 years a Black man had to drink out of a different water fountain. Had to pee in a different bathroom. The very idea of a Black boy dating a White girl in Alabama would have got your killed (and quickly). How could a great Nation had missed the right that all men are created equal? But Black's participated in NonViolent Action, and through a lot of voluntary sacrifice, they opened peoples hearts and things changed. Society became better. In 20 more years, people may look back at today and wonder how did we ever miss the need to protect the rights of Family? That families should be secure from government interference. That both parents should obviously have an EQUAL relationship with their kids -- it has brought so many other good changes to society. Next Tuesday ------------ So...... next Tuesday and the days after that. I will be there again. Come rain, snow, or wind. I'll probably settle on going there a couple of times/week. At times I want to 'press it hard' and force them to arrest me (but that is acting without Faith), and MOST times I want to take it easier (and that is acting without Faith). Again, it was so nice when Cathy Hughes (chughes@AKidsRight.Org) joined me with the same resolve. I feel an urgency to act, but also understand it takes time to get folks involved. You have to 'pace' yourself and take it day-by-day. Contact me if you are interested. Will what I be doing be Vicarious suffering, or the suffering that serves as Penance. I really don't know -- but I know what I do will 'serve.' What I do will have meaning and effect. It will SHOW people how awful I feel the System is. Best regards! -- John Murtari ____________________________________________________________________ Coordinator AKidsRight.Org jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents" Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211) http://www.AKidsRight.Org/ ======================================= Newsletter mailing list Newsletter@kids-right.org subscribe/unsubscribe info below: http://kids-right.org/mailman/listinfo/newsletter
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