[AKidsRight.Org] Big Brothers/Sisters needs adult for your child - but not YOU!

jmurtari@AKidsRight.org

Good People & People of Faith,

If it isn't bad enough to be separated from your kids and not able to
see them -- how would you like to visit a website, or get the
Newspaper and see a picture of your child on the front page and read
they want a Big Brother/Sister -- but you don't count!  Imagine
reading that your former husband says your daughter needs another
'female' involved in her life as a friend (at the same time they are
blocking your relationship with your child in Court!).  Would it be
too much?

A brief message triggered by a Big Brothers/Sister story that appeared
on MSNBC, http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9956943/ If that link does not work
we have a copy at our web site: http://www.AKidsRight.Org/sandifer.htm
It was a Front page story in the Colorado Springs Gazette.
http://www.gazette.com/

This happened to Mike Sandifer <MDSandifer@aol.com> who happens to be
a personal friend. This is part of what he read:

  "A couple of weeks ago, Aaron (Sandifer) sat on the bench for part
  of football practice because his mom was late in getting him there.

  She's working full time, going to school to earn her bachelor's
  degree and raising Aaron and his older sister alone.  "It's a
  juggle," she said. "I seem like I'm stressed to the end."

  She said her son needs an adult male role model who can offer him
  different perspectives. Aaron is a good kid but had run into trouble
  for what his mom calls "bucking authority."

  In elementary school, his antics included throwing ketchup packets
  on the street and watching them explode as cars ran over them. He'd
  also act out in class and smart off, his mom said.

  His behavior landed him several suspensions, although he and his mom
  say he's stayed out of trouble this school year. Aaron said he'd
  like someone to turn to for advice and to compare notes about what
  they went through in middle school. He'd like someone who enjoys
  sports."

I called Mike to ask him the details.  He told me a friend had alerted
him to the story.  Mike has three older children (with a prior wife),
and one of them, Chris Sandifer, is married with children and lives in
Colorado Springs about 5 minutes from Aaron's home.  He is a football
coach, the offensive coordinator for the Colorado Wolfpack, a semi-pro
team.

He called the Big Brothers/Sisters coordinator and said he'd be happy
to volunteer and mentor his half-brother!  After checking, his request
was turned down.  As many of us would expect Mike's former spouse did
not want Aaron in contact with any of that family.  The coordinator
took Aaron off the list after the turn down.

A bit more on Mike:  He started writing me during some of my time in
jail.  He also shared his experiences.  Although 'visits' were ordered
with his son, they were not happening, and try as he might in Court,
he could not get it enforced.  During this time he stopped paying
support in protest and ended up serving jail sentences on four
different occasions.

He finally reached his limit and left Colorado.  He is still working
for reform.  I asked Mike if he had considered going back to Colorado
Springs now that this story had run.  Try to take a public
stand. Probably still end up in jail, but really let his son know that
he is trying.

He told me he preferred to work in the background.  He was afraid that
if he went back there would be no News story, they would just throw
him in jail again (and potentially for a longer period). His son might
not hear of it.  What good would that be?  What would it accomplish?

Good questions: What good would that be?  What would it accomplish?
What would you do?  Feel free to contact Mike: MDSandifer@aol.com

Rights Trampled - what to do?
-----------------------------
Along with Mike, we have a couple of more stories here from a
Mom and Dad.  What to do?

--- Mansoor Syed <mansoorsyed05@yahoo.ca>

> Thanks for the info. Today its unfortunate moment for me and I am
> sad. On 6th Birthday of my son Its 98 days now I have not seen my
> kids. Is it called justice. I fail to understand and even I can not
> speak out due to publication ban. In which world I am living.

> I don't know.   

Very sorry to hear about your situation.  For some of our members it
has been 99 month's since they have seen their kids -- but what can
they do?  What can you do?

I know what a gut-wrenching feeling it is.  It can tear you apart or
just make one very bitter for the rest of their lives.  Pardon me if I
challenge some of your thoughts -- but maybe it will give you a
different perspective.

It is not that you 'can not speak out.' To be accurate, it is you are
afraid of the consequences if you speak out and violate a 'ban'.  How
much of a valued right is it to be involved with your kids?  If you
were about to be dragged into 'slavery' -- would you violate a ban
about speaking out?

'In which world I am living?' -- well, perhaps one in which individual
parents do not have the Faith that anything they do will matter?  When
more of us start acting and demonstrating that being a parent to our
kids is the MOST important thing in our lives -- change will happen.
If you have time take a look at some of the material we have at
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil_back.htm

Your thoughts?

<No reply yet received>

Don't use my name!
------------------

> I just read your letter to Hillary Clinton and though my situation
> is different and I am not from NY I would like to know what I can do
> to help your cause and help change the laws.  My husband is now
> serving 6 months in a federal prison for back childsupport.  I'm
> sure you have heard the story before,his ex took off with his
> daughters, remarried and raised them with her new husband using his
> last name.  When he did find them and tried to help his daughters,
> the youngest living with him the last three years of high school all
> money was considered a gift.  

> Both daughters are grown now and have little to do with their father
> because of their mother.  Trust me when I say that I can see both
> sides, though I did not keep my children's father from seeing them
> and I tried very hard not to put their father down because he was
> their father and when the State after 17 years tried to collect the
> back childsuppot owed I didn't push it because it would have hurt my
> children who had been hurt enough but I do understand the anger and
> bitterness that goes on for years and hurts no one but the children.
> My husband can never get back the years he has lost with his
> daughters and he may never have the relationship he should have had
> with them or his grand children and the ones who lost out are the
> children.  He is a wonderful man, he has been there for my children
> and my grand daughter thinks the sun rises and sets around him,
> something his own children will probably never know.  

> Why is there no limitation on Childsupport, no exceptions and yet
> the parent that loses out on seeing their children have no legal
> recourse.  The courts aren't going to wast their time to try and
> locate a parent who leaves with their children, and if a parent with
> custody chooses to keep their children away from the other parent
> and raise them with another partner using their name why should she
> be able to collect childsupport.  It cost her nothing to make our
> lives a living hell ( please excuse the language) and on top of
> paying her for the rest of our life it has cost us thousands in
> legal fees.  I don't think there is anything we can do that will
> help our situation but if I can do something to help change the
> lives of others that are in the same situation I would like to do
> what I can.

> I did put my name on the list to be contact for this area and am
> sending you husbands address for your mailing list just please don't
> put his address on the internet.  This has already hurt his business
> and many people don't realize that child support can get you Federal
> time.

Thanks for getting back with the info; unfortunately, if you don't
want it on the Internet there is not much I can do with it. Our list
messages are archived and visible on the Web.  We aren't really a
support group, but a public action group of folks willing to share
their stories.

I certainly understand your reasoning in wanting to keep this private
and that is not a problem at all.  We all have different situations.
If it comes a time where you and your spouse would like to go public
with what happened, please let me know.

-- 
                                       John Murtari
____________________________________________________________________
Coordinator                            AKidsRight.Org
jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org                "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211)        http://www.AKidsRight.Org/

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