From: John Murtari (jmurtari@akidsright.org)
Date: Mon May 28 2007 - 14:28:57 EDT
Good People & People of Faith, This is a continuation of a prior message, http://www.AKidsRight.Org/wordpress/archives/12 , about NonViolent Action and the time I spent in jail last year. I share this so others can understand what the experience was like and learn from my mistakes. This was an extreme action and something I don't recommend or want to repeat, but it may be appropriate in certain situations. You are welcome to comment at the BLOG or via direct FEEDBACK to me. http://www.AKidsRight.Org/wordpress Good Media - Good Story - No Regrets! ------------------------------------- Before going on with more details. A few thoughts regarding the big picture. This story could have had a bad sound bite, "$60,000 deadbeat ends up in jail -- good riddance!" But there was a lot of good press and other media. Why? To hear me talk about how corrupt judges and lawyer were, or feminazis, or patriarchists, or the evils of my former spouse, the divorce industry, or me being a victim? No. I talked about how deeply I loved my son. How I'd spent almost everything I had to maintain contact and be a loving parent. About proceedings that never even recognized my Civil Right to be a FIT & EQUAL parent... Without that, how could Justice ever be done? As parents, we are blessed with one of the most powerful story lines, "Loving parent in search of their child. Sacrificing to find them and be reunited..." But somehow we forget. We get caught up in the anger or in legal terms and practicalities -- also, we don't act. We write, we talk, but we don't "do." We don't "show." As difficult as this whole experience was for me, there were no second thoughts. Yes, I was worried the pain/sacrifice would be too much and my Faith too small (my personal weaknesses). I never doubted it was the right action. Nasal-Gastric Tube Insertion ---------------------------- You know what they say, "watch out what you ask for!" That really hit home on my first day with the "tube". As a matter of fact, I almost didn't make it past the first day! Like many of you, I had never seen one of these tubes. I thought it would be a relatively serious medical procedure. Hardly! It was done in the normal examination room. I just sat on the table. The tube itself was clear plastic, not very different from the small polyethylene tubes you see at a hardware store. The doctor took time before the procedure to explain everything to me. It wiggles its way up your noise, through your sinus passages, down the back of your throat, through the esophagus, and actually into your stomach. She put a little lidocaine on the end and, told me to tilt my head back, and started pushing it up my right nostril. About 2-3 feet went inside me and I felt every inch -- I've a very active imagination! As she was pushing I was told to keep drinking from a cup of water, to insure the tube ended up in my stomach -- and not in my lungs. When I walked back to my cell it definitely felt strange. I could feel every swallow, it felt like I had a case of bad strep throat -- but I didn't know the half of it. They took a chest X-ray to confirm placement. I had to wait till evening to be fed. I'm Ready to Quit, I'll Sign - Get this thing out of me! -------------------------------------------------------- It went in on Wednesday and I hadn't eaten anything for 9 days and very little water. They wanted my stomach to get used to something before they started the feedings so I took some jello. It wasn't that much, but after about an hour I began to feel terrible. I remember the Doctor telling me, "John, we really don't want you to vomit with that thing in you..." I kept feeling more and more pressure in my stomach and didn't know what was going on. I was watching TV and had gotten up to walk back to my cell when I just started heaving and went down on my knees retching. The guard was worried about keeping the floor clean and yells, "Murtari, do it in your cell!" He sent out a call for the nurses and I barely got back to the 'porcelain phone.' I'm heaving again and again, but nothing is coming out. I was weak, dizzy, and uncomfortable from this garden hose down my throat... I thought, "When the nurses get here I'm telling them to pull it out. I just can't take it anymore. That's it!" And.... if the nurses had shown up quickly, that is probably what would have happened. All done, game over.... Thank God prison medical care is slow! It took them about 10 minutes to show up. I guess I just needed to be burped like a baby. After the heaving my stomach settled and I felt fine. I never had a problem with vomiting again and told the nurses I was fine. Right! Life with a tube ---------------- Two things. You feel every swallow and it can hurt. The other thing, which gets into some anatomy -- is that the tube is placed into your stomach, past the little esophageal sphincter valve which normally closes off your stomach from your throat. Stomach acids can leak up your throat and give you a wicked case of 'heart burn'. This means you always sleep at an up angle, especially after a meal you keep your body up for at least an hour. Keeping the tube in position is difficult. In a hospital they use a string and a clip to hold it -- no strings in jail! We might strangle someone. Mine was held with surgical tape to my nose and I needed to re-tape it twice a day. The initial tube would move easily. Also, during a feeding, since the fluid was cold you could get a little/lot of mucus (or should I use the medical term snot) coming out of your nose -- a real treat! Sleeping was a whole other adventure. I had the tube tied off and coiled around my neck, but I could barely get into a comfortable position, and then the swallowing pain.... What a difference a millimeter makes! ------------------------------------- In my 4 months I had three different feeding tubes. The first one lasted about a week and was growing more uncomfortable each day. Before starting a feeding the nurses would put air through the tube and listen to my stomach using a stethoscope to confirm placement. Well, they couldn't hear it. Took another X-Ray, and they couldn't see it. They pulled it out and then I was looking forward to another one. The Doc used my left nostril and the tube was a little bigger "he thought." Well, this one went in very hard. He was pressing and it was hard for me to keep my head in position, finally it just about jammed when it got to the right depth -- I could really feel it. He told me, "John, sometimes your sinus passages are a little different for each side, a much tighter fit here..." Tell me about it! This one hurt from the start, but at least it was jammed so tight I didn't have to worry about movement. Drowning on the Beach in Wonderland ----------------------------------- Honestly, up to this point, I'm not really proud of my conduct. Got lucky a few times and made it okay. But the next 9 days I stood my ground and just took it..... I'd had two close calls and I wasn't going to quit now. Within a few days the new tube was very uncomfortable. I was only sleeping for an hour or two at a time. My throat was on fire and I was really feeling the acid reflux. They gave me medication. I had to stay very 'propped up' to avoid pain. I had a hospital bed and the end was up about 30 degrees, the only problem was if I relaxed I would slide down and the acid would hit.... In a few more days it got to the point where I just didn't want to swallow. I kept a little bowl next to my bed and a roll of toilet paper. When the fluid would build up in my mouth I would just spit into the paper, after a while that bowel was a sopping mess. Days weren't too bad, I could walk around, sit in a chair, but the nights were never ending. I was gagging on the fluid so much I just couldn't get any rest. I would sit up in bed or lean against the wall, it was slow misery. I'd put in a 'sick call slip' to see the Doctor, but had to wait a few days. There were about 3 nights that were just fantasy land. I wasn't dreaming, it's the closest thing I could think to a delirium. I felt I was drowning and needed to swim, needed to grab something, but at the same time I knew I was in my bed, not on a beach. I had to force myself to realize I was in a jail bed, not drowning. When I finally saw the doctor, he looked down my throat and said, "We've got to remove it now." They waited a few days before inserting another.... Lesson Learned -------------- More than anything it made me appreciate what has always been said about NonViolent Action, you have to be motivated by love, by a positive goal. If you are doing something out of anger/spite -- it just won't last. At the beginning several guards told me, "Murtari, your wasting your time, we get hunger-strikers all the time, nobody cares, die if you want to!" Well, they were wrong. This wasn't the angry prisoner, but a loving parent... Finally, into routine! --------------------- The new tube was smaller and went into my right nostril. We lived at peace with each other. It stayed in me for the rest of my jail time, about three months. I then got into a routine, exercise three times a day after every feeding. Jumping jacks, sit-ups, and push ups. I also walked for half an hour twice a day. I knew I had lost a lot of muscle, they were feeding me a lot of calories and I needed to recover. I had a book of the Psalms sent into me and would pray at regular intervals. The letters many of you wrote were great and it became just a matter of 'doing the time.' In the back of my mind I was worried about my friend, the tube. I asked the Doctor if my valves and swallowing would return to normal after it was removed. He said it "should." I thought, "John, you could walk out with permanent acid reflux AND swallowing might always feel funny..." It didn't matter. Very, very fortunate -------------------- There were no side effects. I left in good health and the ability to enjoy Christmas with my son. He turned 14 in February and I flew out to see him. On June 14th he will be here, God willing, for Summer vacation. We get six straight weeks together! We are very, very fortunate. So many people were helpful, I can't mention them all here for I'm sure to leave someone out. Many are mentioned at the web site, http://www.AKidsRight.Org/support_jm.htm -- my heartfelt thanks. A special thanks again to Teri Stoddard, a mom out in California, teri@AKidsRight.Org, http://www.sharedparentingworks.org/, and a BLOG at Men's News daily, http://teristoddard.mensnewsdaily.com/ She was my daily life-line to the outside and did a lot of work that helped make this a positive story for all of us.... Just Giving Back - I'll Sign! ----------------------------- Don't thank me too much. My decision and choice was pretty easy. I remembered all the pain and tears the system had caused Dom and I. The indignity and injustice when I was thrown in jail for six months back in 2000. But we still love each other, I get big hugs! This may sound strange, but the pain I willingly endured wiped the slate clean for all the suffering we'd been given. The system and I were 'even'. I hear so many of your stories. Children who have been alienated and hate you. Living every day of your life knowing you 'had' a child. Knowing that once gone, childhood is never "made up." I don't know if I'd be able to survive what some of you go through EACH AND EVERY DAY! Both Domenic and I know how very lucky we are, what might have been. In a very graphic example, if the Almighty had given me a choice and said: Live like many of you, have a child who is 'gone' -- or, have the gift of a child who loved you through it all. I would easily sign up -- give me the big fat tube from H$ll!. What I am doing is just showing the appreciation for what I have. It is worth more than anything else in life. Also, as I have said to so many. Keep the Faith, keep the door open to your children. Do not give up (as I almost did so many times in this story), and even if you have -- get back up and try again.... "The NonViolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them self respect; it calls up resources of strength and courage that they didn't think they had. It reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscience that reconciliation becomes a reality." -- Martin Luther King -- John Murtari ____________________________________________________________________ Coordinator AKidsRight.Org jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents" Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211) http://www.AKidsRight.Org/ ======================================= Newsletter mailing list Newsletter@kids-right.org subscribe/unsubscribe info below: http://kids-right.org/mailman/listinfo/newsletter
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