Good People & People of Faith,
Happy Mother's Day - My sincere Best Wishes for a Happy Mother's Day! A special greeting to those who may not even see your children; have not received a card because your former spouse is blind to your value. For the awkward moments this day can bring: "Did your kids send you flowers?", "I got a beautiful card from my daughter, how about you?", "We are all going out for dinner tonight, and you?"
Don't miss reading YOUR FEEDBACK below. How can a nightmare start? http://www.salon.com/2015/04/19/what_a_horrible_mother_moms_arrested_for_leaving_their_kids_in_the_car/
TRUE STORY: I have a very good friend, known him and his wife for years, been to their home many times. They adore their kids -- BUT -- on the way home Mom had to stop at the 7-11, get gas, get milk, left the sleeping kid locked in the car. A "vigilant citizen" noticed it. Called the cops who were right nearby and immediately showed up. Caught her walking out and threatened her with immediate arrest and jail. Luckily, they didn't go through with the arrest, but did charge her with "endangering the welfare of a child." Next thing you know a Social Worker is knocking at the door demanding to inspect the home, see the children. Oh -- you do have the 'right' to say NO, but as the Social Worker will tell you, if you do they'll go to the Judge and note weren't 'cooperative' and get a Court Order and your 'non-cooperation' will be a mark against you....
These parents are professional people, but they chose not to fight it and just plead guilty. For quite a few months they lived under suspicion, afraid, and the ability of a Social Worker to show up at any time. "We're just doing what's best for the children." What do you think?
THE PAIN: I hope you will take 4 minutes and 42 seconds and watch this video. A parent telling how it is when you have to fight to see your kids. I've seen a lot and this is one of the best -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-mJUcWpg1U
YOUR FEEDBACK:
Email thread with Steven Blake <steveblake53@yahoo.com>
RE: Public Action
Steve -> The problem with protests is we cannot ever gather enough people to make a decent showing. And even if we did the politicians don't really care. Look at Wisconsin. 100,000 people in the streets (I was there, it was great!) and it made no difference at all. Politicos and especially their staffs don't like demonstrators, mostly they find them annoying.
We need to work inside the building by developing relationships with the lawmakers. We do have the science on our side and Republicans tend to be supportive. Just my thoughts after almost 20 years in this movement.
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John -> I hear what you are saying, but everything starts with a few people first. You've been active for a while, and what I see as our greatest obstacle is the lack of a shared basic Civil Rights goal. Honestly, I've seen the 'inside' efforts with legislators over many years -- and very few results. Until we can get public attention/support through our public actions, I just don't think we'll get anywhere? Given where we are now -- how do you see reform happening?
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Steve -> It looks like there are reform bills in 17 states this session. I have not seen them but I think they are intended to establish shared parenting which is not the same as equal unless there is specific language requiring it. We have a bill ready in Wisconsin which will establish a presumption that equal time to the greatest degree is in the best interest of the children. Here is the language FYI:
We have an author but before we introduce it as a bill he is going to try and insert the language into the biannual budget bill. That will have the same effect but avoid the tedious committee process as well as deprive our opponents of any opportunity to object. If you have any data that would show the equal placement saves the state money that would be helpful.
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John -> Thanks for the link, I'll share it with the group and let me know if any bill come close to a vote. It looks like it has some strong wording and certainly better than the "rebuttable presumption of shared parenting" which seems to be a goal here in NY.
We really need to think whether this is about 'rights' or 'interests'. Everybody has an interest in seeing happy kids, but does that allow them to interfere in your 'right' to be presumed a fit & equal parent? I think arguing 'interest' is what made this mess in the first place? It allows a third party to make the decision....
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Steve -> You have hit the nail on the head. I once worked with a Constitutional lawyer who said in federal court one day, "all you have to say is 'it's for the best interest of the children' and everything else, including the Constitution, goes right out the window". Parental rights and authority have been gradually eroded by the government, with the enthusiastic support of many of the people, for years now. In the best interest of the children of course. Witness the recent examples of parents being charged with neglect for leaving their kids in the car for 5 minutes or letting their children walk home from the park by themselves. Clearly the best interest of the children as determined by the experts in the government is predominant in today's society. See this from Salon and especially note the comments in favor of CPS and the police intervening to protect children from their own parents.
Fathers have it even worse and no one has sympathy for fathers rights. A lot of this is men's own fault. There are far too many guys who are happy to let mom have the kids as long as he gets the truck in the divorce settlement. I have talked with too many men who have multiple children with multiple partners and only complain that they have to pay to support those children. One guy actually said to me the he didn't care about seeing his kids, he just didn't want to have to pay so much. Add to that the public perception of fathers as Homer Simpsons and you can see the problems we face.
Legislative change is our only real option. In all the years you and I have been in this movement do you recall even one court challenge that has been successful? I don't and I was aware of at least half a dozen by various people and groups. Is a presumption of shared parenting progress in New York? New York has too many Democrats to expect much sympathy from the legislature because women's groups do not support equality in this area. Indeed they actively oppose any presumption that fathers are as capable of being as good or important a parent as mothers. In their world dads could possibly be good parents but men must prove it to their satisfaction. Mother's rights are superior to those of fathers because of 9 months in the womb, tender years, yada yada yada. The problem is that the state tends to agree and while the laws do not specifically encourage gender bias they do not prohibit it strongly enough. All animals are equal but some are more equal than others.
Judges appreciate clear guidance and this language provides that. Several judges I have talked with tell me that a rebuttable presumption of equal placement even with a clear and convincing standard to overcome the presumption, will make it easier to do their jobs. They decide what constitutes clear and convincing evidence and they still have all the factors available to them so they really are not giving up any discretion.
If we can't pass this in Wisconsin, where there are no Democrats to worry about, then we might as well pack up the tent and go home. What I have always said is that the national organizations should focus their resources on a single state to get the ball rolling and break the ice. If after a year or two with a presumption of equal placement in Wisconsin the sky has not fallen possibly there has been improvement across many of the pathologies that fatherlessness creates and saves the state money to boot it will be easier for other states to follow suit. But as Dick Doyle once told me, "getting men to cooperate in this sphere is like herding cats". I don't understand it but until we all pull together the little state organizations are going to be left floundering and for the most part ineffective. The state groups depend too heavily on fathers caught in the process who lack the emotional and more importantly financial resources to provide the kind of support this effort requires at the state level.
Email thread with John Herritt <john_herritt20@yahoo.com>
RE: Public Action
From JH -> Yes it is discouraging! A good many people have resorted to either blaming the victims (the custodial parents) or saying that the whole system is corrupt (which can't really be proven) and needs to be abolished. My thought was a class action lawsuit. What better way to get an institution's attention than a class action lawsuit. First, you need to find a test case. I believe that we need to emphasize that the problem is NOT the concept of child support (which the Courts have upheld as legal) but its the methods of enforcement. One main point that I would bring up is the fact that we have a basic right to earn an honest living and that the child support enforcement practices of suspending driver's licenses and/or incarceration clearly violate that right. The other point that needs to be emphasized is that the system is a failure - gather some statistics about compliance rates and the huge amount of back child support that is owed in each State and nationally.
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JM --> You make a good point on the Child Support, it certainly beat me up -- but the main focus of the group is about your right to be presumed a fit & equal parent.
I'll share your thoughts with the group. Do you know anyone who wants to help coordinate the class action suit? That way people could have a contact point.
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JH --> I agree with you that it's about the system needing to have the presumption of being fit and equal parents. But the Courts need to have some concrete legal issues to deal with. It's hard to find an attorney who doesn't have any ties to divorce or family court. We'll have to do some research about finding an attorney who understands the issues involved here and doesn't have a conflict of interest. This attorney should have an understanding that the child support enforcement procedures compromise many of our constitutional and civil rights. For state legislators, they need to understand that the current system is a complete failure and doesn't help anybody! Make it clear that this lawsuit isn't about money but it's about overhauling an unjust system. For a good class action lawsuit, you need to have a test case. You need a sympathetic plaintiff for a test case. And if we're successful then we will have the presumption of being fit and equal parents!
Best regards!
John Murtari
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Coordinator AKidsRight.Org
jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
(315) 944-0999(x-211) http://www.AKidsRight.Org/
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