[AKidsRight.Org] March 11 Rally (Albuquerque)/ Introspection & Reform - Your FEEDBACK

jmurtari@AKidsRight.org

Good People & People of Faith:

Before my main message, I want to interject this brief announcement on
a major upcoming event since time is a little short:

March 11 - March & Rally - Albuquerque to Santa Fe
--------------------------------------------------
Submitted by: Shelly Barreras <shellyhots@aol.com>
               http://www.krightsradio.com/rallyopmr.php 

The march is still on and going strong, I have placed an ad in
Sunday's and Friday's paper under Special Announcements. I have made
some ribbons if you want to wear them... I also put my number in the
ad as contact. 505-891-9315. We have quite a few people coming from
out of state from Million Dads March(Thomas and Gregory), Equal is
Equal(Bob), Center for Family Justice(Leslie) and of course our
illustrious host Richard Farr of KRightsRadio.com.... I look forward
to meeting each and every one of you! It will be a day to remember!
--------------------------------------------------

This is a collection of your comments on a recent message on Lent,
Introspection, and Family Law Reform. Anyone who wants to read the
original, it is at
http://www.AKidsRIght.Org/archive/archive2005/0015.html

I think there are some pretty thoughtful replies below.  If we feel
our right to raise our own children is a GREAT right, will it come
for free -- through talk alone or logical arguments?  In our most
recent message we covered objections to reform:

* It's NOT good to bounce kids around between houses!
* Kids are NOT property to be split!
* BAD parents use Kids to control the other parent!

We asked, "how do you reply?".  There are sound arguments against
all, but is that enough to get a majority of people behind you?  How
many sound arguments were there to support freedom of speech, or
religion, or to say that segregation was wrong?  They alone did not
bring change.

The fight against segregation and NonViolent Action
(http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil_back.htm) showed how suddenly White
Southerners were able to change their attitudes about Blacks. They
had 'heard' the arguments, but what they 'saw' was Blacks peacefully
accepting persecution and jail as they demonstrated for "their
equality".  Gathering NOT to say "White men are BAD!", but that "all
men are created EQUAL".  They saw them attacked by dogs, police, and
the Klan -- suddenly they could empathize! See them as a real person
and as themselves... hearts opened.

People sacrificed their very lives for these GREAT rights.  No one
needs to die or be injured to bring real Family Law reform, but we do
need to sacrifice. Why?

We are fortunate to have an 'easy' path to reform.  One of our great
archetypes is the 'bond between parent and child' -- how many times
does it appear in movies or stories?  Everyone knows how 'wrong' it
is to come between a loving parent and their child -- it is one of
life's greatest tragedies.  Unfortunately, many of us are living it.

When parents are willing to carry a picture of the kids they love and
go to jail ... When parents are willing to chalk a message to their
kids, "I LOVE YOU", and go to jail -- we will open hearts.  Our
actions will win the 'argument'.

Introspection & Suffering
-------------------------
Sacrifice is never an easy thing.  You have doubts, you are not
sure. Is this going to matter?  Is anyone going to care?  Therein
also lies its tremendous power.  My original message was about those
thoughts: How did people in the past sacrifice and even die for
something they would never get to enjoy?  Those people found the
answer, how about us?

Your FEEDBACK
-------------

--- "Eric D. Tarkington" <etarking@ooadvocate.com>  'Rejection'

> Whenever you speak about your own motivations in great depth, you
> open yourself to a profound rejection.  People in the equal
> parenting movement don't talk about it much, but a huge part of the
> paralysis in the movement is the sense of rejection that we all
> inevitably feel when society forces our children away from us.

> Rejection is a powerful force.  I am sure that a scientific study
> of rejected people would reveal that it sickens and kills, and that
> it is very virulent and aggressive.

> When you become an activist, you court even more rejection.

> Rejection is the force that true reformers must overcome within.
> To be a reformer, you must deal with rejection and overcome
> rejection better than the ordinary victim.  You can look ugly and
> awkward to yourself while you are struggling with this, but there
> is nothing more beautiful at its core.

> If you are right, why are you suffering so much?  I think the
> answer is that you are not living for yourself.  You are built as a
> gift to your fellow man, and giving yourself wisely is ultimately
> the best and most rewarding way to live.  The opportunities to give
> yourself wisely are often very hard to find, and taking them
> doesn't solve the ordinary problems of your life, but they give
> every person a mission, and offer the ultimate satisfaction in
> accomplishment.

--- Smartaspaper@aol.com                   'It makes you sick'

> so so sorry as I am in some what the same situation. missing
> children for no real legal reason.  I feel and hear through your
> words.  it does make you sick physically.  but you are right stick
> to it.  I too am told of how some day but for now we are loosing
> precious memories.  all the kids movies we are not seeing w/them
> and the things that remind us are torture.  I feel for you and I
> find out we are not alone and I am working on just what the
> injustice is about.  hold on we need numbers strength in numbers.

--- platypus <pgroup@blarg.net>          'You need a therapist!'

> No, I won't read it....

> How reading dime store novels that you write is helping the war
> effort is beyond me. You are so nonproductive that it's hard to
> feel any sympathy for your situation.

> You need a therapist if you think you're doing any good, for
> yourself or anybody else.

... If we compare ourselves to the Civil Rights movements of the past
-- public action will also play an important role, and personal
sacrifice by some participants.  In the past Faith has always played
an important role in that -- by many to risk the loss of life for a
GREAT right they might never enjoy.  Is that realistic today in our
modern society?

I guess my 'productiveness' is preparing some folks for that effort
and also experimenting with methods.  People are usually eager to
talk about the 'highs' -- but get a little quiet and just disappear
during the 'lows'.  It always helps to know others have been through
it and what their feelings were - the perfect 'dime store novel!'.

--- Derrick Corr <matthewsfather@shaw.ca> 'a sandstorm starts with one'

> John, thank you for sharing your convictions to this movement. I
> hope that you will take heart when I say that you are not
> alone. Others including myself often take a course of action which
> at first seems futile. However if we stay steadfast to our goal we
> do get some results that are positive. It may be very little and in
> itself barely measurable.

> I liken these individual efforts to grains of sand being blown
> about. Apart they appear to be insignificant, however when combined
> there effect is much more noticeable. There are many more grains of
> sand like you and I that are eroding the system at various levels
> and we are having some effect. (Even the fiercest sandstorm starts
> with the first grain of sand leaving the others behind).

> Most importantly even if change does not happen during our
> lifetime, our efforts prepare us for the two most important
> questions that may be asked of us in our lifetime: (DADDY DIDN'T
> YOU LOVE ME? DADDY DIDN'T YOU CARE?) After all, we don't make these
> sacrifices for ourselves. But we are only human and we do feel the
> pain and disappointment. The realization that I am preparing for
> those two questions and that I never want my son to endure what I
> have had to, makes me stronger and more determined.

> Having said that, we must be sure to care for ourselves and to look
> at the realities of the issues we face so that our limited time and
> energies are put to good use.

> Good luck with your chalk and may you never run out.

--- Karen B. Madigan-McCormick <Growinwild@aol.com> 'Inspiration'

> You may have been alone with your blue chalk in the snow falling on
> Hillary's deaf ears -- true despair -- but you are an inspiration.

> For me, it's all about what happened to my stepson, already 19 and
> in college but whose mother is still in his face trying to poison
> his thoughts and outlook on the world, armored with matriarchal
> conceit and the conviction that she is the only parent, sanctioned
> by the blessings of NYS law and the courts. That is my undying
> motivation. The impact on the kids. So unfair with medieval laws
> that allow such things and sanction needy, greedy, scared
> half-parents who just can't let go. The only redemption is what
> goes around comes around, for those kids who can maintain a mind of
> their own, choose their fathers and stepmothers over their unjust
> parent, and elegantly rub the unjust parent's nose in it, without
> being too obvious. Such delicious justice.

> I hope such justice comes to you, too, at some point. It
> will. Wishes for grace on your way.

--- Shannon Basore <bmom2james@yahoo.com>  'On the WRONG path'

> I really like the legal reforms your site proposes but that is the
> last point we seem to agree on.

> If you call a plumber 1000 times complaining that you have a short
> in your electrical system, they will not only "not meet with you",
> but they will try and stop you from harassing them with any further
> requests for their help.

> Senator Clinton has done just that.  You try to act like you have a
> right to meet with her and will get what ever naive people you can
> to help you enforce that right, but I doubt if many will jump on
> that bandwagon.  The message is true but your manor is doing it a
> great injustice!

> I have witnessed letters telling you that the Representatives for
> your area are responsible for writing new legislation to change the
> way things are done.  You go to them and ask for help and your much
> more likely to bring respect for yourself and the changes your
> asking for.

> Your willingness to go to jail to force a plumber to try and fix
> your electric problems is pitiful and I am tired of being a witness
> to it.

> Good luck with your law... I am focusing my time on our custody
> case until the 17 of March and once our final hearing is settled I
> am putting all my time into lobbying for the reforms you sought in
> our state.  They are sound and deserve my time and attention.  You
> sir are not.

Not sure if we agree on the goals as you say?  We have those at
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/approach.htm There are many items that need
to be 'fixed' in Family Law, some are appropriate as you say at the
State level.

But, the core of the group's goals is Civil Rights recognition and
protection of our GREAT right to be a parent to our own kids.  The
'right' to freedom of religion, or to be free, or to speak, or for a
woman to participate in government are not 'state' issues or under
their 'control'.  Such valued rights are protected by our Federal
Constitution and government.  I think Ms. Clinton is the plumber we
need!  Certainly, I don't think many parents feels their right to
raise their own children should be different depending on what state
they live?  Your thoughts?

--- "Doc" <doc1@oldcodger.org>               'Just self pity!'

> I read your latest "epistle" with interest.  A lot of it sounded
> rather pathetic -- as though you are wallowing in "self pity."

> You are setting yourself up -- or actually already have set
> yourself up -- for a public relations nightmare which is going to
> severely hurt your chances in getting anything done.  The fact that
> you are thousands of dollars delinquent in your child support can
> and will come back and bite you in the ass.  You have already
> served time in jail for this once before -- and if your ex ever
> decides to pursue the issue again, that is where you will likely
> find yourself.

> In short John, you are not going to have any credibility.  The
> argument that will be made against you is that you are a deadbeat
> father that wants everything his way.  Your efforts to change the
> laws will only be viewed as an effort to avoid paying child
> support.

> Yes, you have bucked the system.  You have created all of your own
> problems.  No legislator is going to take you seriously -- they are
> not going to take anyone seriously that lets their financial life
> go to hell in a hand basket -- and who has not provided financial
> support to his own son.

> One of the things that you need to realize is that if you want to
> be the "head of a reform group" you can't be irresponsible in other
> areas of your life.  You give your opponent's an opportunity to
> detract from your message.  You give people, like Senator Clinton
> an opportunity to legitimately refuse to meet with you.

--- IAMJAHLUL@aol.com                'We are all God's children'

> John, we are in the same boat. It does me good to hear that I am
> not alone in the suffering and pain we go through to change a bad
> situation into a positive one. Victory is ours. Just by taking a
> stand we are winner's. There is no justice for our cause in the
> court's. The courts did not give us our children. It is God that
> has made us one. God is where we must look to for our justice. Man
> can never give justice were God's law is concerned. God's law
> justifies it self. As for us, we must have the same love for our
> children as God has for his children. We sometimes are not with Him
> yet He is always with us. We are always with our children, in heart
> and mind. Not to mention DNA So you see the true test is, what are
> we gonna do. To heal our children from the pain and suffering they
> are going through. Show them the love of God and the courage to stand
> up for our rights in the face of those that choose to play God and
> think they know what is best for we and our children. Unfortunately
> this system gives that power to the mother, because it keep the
> family out of God's order. God, man, women and children. Not women,
> child, courts; man. Totally out of God's order of how family
> functions. No good can come from man or women order, before our
> Creator.

> Faith is the substance hoped for to stand up under the torture and
> pain. Making the best of a bad situation. Change is happening
> now. We do make a difference, every one of us that are not
> discouraged by the system or the other parent. The children will
> grow in the spirit and come to know the truth. They will share that
> truth with their children and passed on and on. Believe me I lived
> those day's in the '50's and 60's. It started with one person
> refusing to accept the lie and untruth's. We must make sure that
> our children know the truth and don't live a lie. I feel for you
> John, but if that one person is you or me, be happy you are chosen
> to be that one person. Many other will become courageous from that
> one person's example. Simple as that. Even a liar know when it is a
> lie. The truth is harder to live.  living a lie is to easy, and
> seems rewarding in this system.

> Be happy even when it seem that you are alone. We are not
> alone. Believe it, we can't lose. We have already won, by not
> laying down or giving up...

--- w w <dadsareforever@yahoo.com>      'Stand up for yourself'

> Hi John, did something happen to you that changed your outlook?

Oh no.  The outlook is still the same and no recent changes.  Just
time for another perspective.

> Call it good news in my case. Always the step parent tried to
> replace me, being very pushy, literally.  Almost a year ago I saw
> my daughter in a public place and we hugged each other (she will be
> 12 this April). So (mr. Dildo) called 911 and the DA charged me
> with battery and contempt of court. I had the papers in my hand to
> sign a no-contest (guilty) to contempt and they would drop the
> battery, and pay a $145.00 fine and get on with my life. I could
> not do it. Instead I mustered the courage to go for the truth and a
> trial. After almost a year, we were in court to set a trial date by
> jury. After sitting in the court room for 4 hours my (poor)
> PDefender came to me and said the DA has dismissed the charges. If
> I were a wealthy person I would have preferred to go to trail
> anyway and clear myself of the bogus charges. As I left the DA
> acted like he had a good case but not the time and continued to
> threaten me with the case if in the future he needed to use it.

> They will always say I was guilty as charged anyway as one is
> usually perceived guilty when the woman makes false claims.  They
> still hold my daughter captive and its getting close to two years
> since I have been her daddy.

Well, I really admire you for your determination!  Most people would
have just gone along with the 'plea', but then whined about it later.
It is surprising what happens when we act with a little courage and
conviction -- the other side is not so powerful.  Still sorry to hear
about not seeing your daughter -- do you get to see her at all?  Even
the every other weekend stuff?

-- 
                                       John Murtari
____________________________________________________________________
Coordinator                            AKidsRight.Org
jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org                "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211)        http://www.AKidsRight.Org/

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