[AKidsRight.Org] NVA Christmas Campaign - Show your kids "I LOVE YOU!"

jmurtari@AKidsRight.org

Good People & People of Faith,

The idea of a NonViolent Action (NVA) Christmas Campaign was triggered
by some of the FEEDBACK you'll see below.  Parents who spelled out the
feelings many of us have at times: the system is going to win in the
end; do whatever they say - beg, apologize, grovel and get by; I hate
(insert opposite sex here), they get all the breaks!

I'll be quite honest, many of you are aware of my recent struggles
regarding my license, http://www.AKidsRight.Org/support.  Well, when I
came out of that Court I kicked myself, "John, why didn't you stand up
for yourself more.  Why didn't you say ....  Why didn't you have the
confidence in what you were doing... You should have been more ready.
When are you going to get it????"  Sound familiar?

In my last message I included the following thoughts on how the system
treats parents:

   ... taking it just because they can -- big-bad-uncaring Goliath.
   "Go ahead, file all the paper work and motions you want, cry about
   your rights -- I don't care!  I took your kids away before, and now
   I'll take you!"

   How do you beat Goliath -- not with anger, but with love &
   sacrifice.

After sending that message I realized I left something out.  It takes
love and sacrifice to beat Goliath, but also Faith.  Reclaim the Joy
of the Christmas by affirming the reality of your value as a parent
and of the power of love. NonViolent Action (NVA):
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil.htm

NVA Christmas Campaign - Show your kids "I LOVE YOU!"
----------------------------------------------------
You can do this all by yourself without any help.  As a matter of
fact, you are the only one that can do it.  Not seeing your kids at
Christmas time -- is that the worst or what!  How can you have a Merry
Christmas alone and celebrate the power of love without your child?

What if you have a "COURT ORDER" that says you can't contact your
kids? What if you have alienated children, young or old, who 'think'
you don't matter, who hate you?

Here is how:

* Buy a Christmas gift for YOUR child and a nice card.  Write a simple
message in the card, let them know you love them and that you want to
see them.  DO NOT make excuses, DO NOT lay blame on anyone, DO NOT
talk about anyone else.

* Make a copy of the inside/outside of the card to keep. Send the gift
and card via Priority Mail w/Delivery Confirmation (nobody has to
sign for it, but you get tracking and delivery confirmation).  Keep
the confirmation info and file it.

* If you have a no contact "COURT ORDER".  Send a polite letter to the
Judge a few days later and let them know what you did because you love
your kids and you wanted to show them so.  Tell them you are
reclaiming your dignity as loving parent.  Again, NO ANGER, NO BLAME.

* Send me a message and we will share the info on the list.  Include the
text of the messages to your kids and/or Judge if you wish.

* Take comfort that you took a stand for your children and did what you
could. You don't control what other people do: a former spouse may
throw the package away (but you have proof for later with your kids),
the kids may not care right then (you can't control their feelings,
but you did your best).

* On Christmas Day, know that you have truly celebrated the Birth of
Jesus by also taking a risk to demonstrate love.

* REPEAT this activity for Birthday's, Graduations, etc...

Your Christmas Movie - 'This is YOUR life'
------------------------------------------
Imagine going to a movie about a parent struggling to cope with being
cutoff from their children (YOUR life).  Imagine the flash backs to
earlier in their life, the good & bad moments, the things that might have 
been....  As Christmas approaches we watch this loving parent (YOU)
sitting alone in their home, preparing for another empty holiday, but
something is different.

They are touched by an encounter with another.  They see a card, a gift
they would LOVE to send their children.  We watch as they dream of
a Christmas to come.  Their children with them, a big hug and a kiss,
Mom/Dad I LOVE YOU....

The movie is getting near the end, we don't know if the ending will be
happy or sad.  We know the parent has to decide, risk violating an
order?  Risk saying I LOVE YOU to their kids one more time -- only to
hear 'we hate you!'.  But as the moviegoer we know what they have
to do, what YOU have to do.

If they don't take the risk and try -- the future Christmas will not
come....  What happens?

Risks & Why
-----------
Oh yes, they may threaten you with jail.  They may also threaten and
say we'll reduce your chance of seeing your kids even more!  Big Bad
Goliath.

Does jailing a parent for sending a gift to their Child make any
sense?  How about reducing that parent's contact with their child?
They are false realities, but we give them substance when we submit
and roll over and go along.  Have Faith and give that Faith reality
by taking action.  Before other people will treat parents with
dignity, we need to treat ourselves that way.

We sacrifice for those whom we love, even though the love may never be
returned.  Isn't that part of the great meaning of Christmas?

Faith (from another writer)
---------------------------
Faith is not any conviction at all -- true or false, good, bad, or
indifferent. It is a particular kind of conviction and it receives its
power from the kind of conviction that it is. Faith is a good & true
conviction. It is the conviction that something can and will happen
because it is good and because it is true that goodness can and will
triumph... The power of faith is the power of goodness & truth, which
is the power of God.

The FEEDBACK
------------

--- Joseph Mates <Joseph.M.Mates@bankofamerica.com>  "show remorse, beg...."

> As your Mom needs you to take care of her, and you son is coming out
> for Christmas, please do whatever is necessary to stay out of
> jail. Pay fines, apologize, show remorse, beg..whatever it takes. I
> think you need to make sure you are there for your Mom and
> son. Everything else is secondary.

Thanks for the message. I know it means well, but I think nothing gets
better when we act that way.  I never like the 'end justifies the
means' and that seems to be what you are saying.  You know that I take
things from a Faith perspective (which may not be yours), but here is
a different perspective and I welcome your thoughts for the group.

Lying is 'wrong', because it is an attempt to use words to create a
reality (that does not exist).  Only God can create reality through
his word.  When you say that I should show remorse, beg, .... I am
creating another false reality -- that I am a human being and parent
not worthy of being treated with dignity and respect?  What is worse
is that I am also degrading myself?

As long as Blacks willing moved to the 'back of the bus', nothing
about segregation was going to change - they were doing it to
themselves for many similar reasons such as yours.

No body is perfect, we all at times get pressured into things we don't
really think are right, but hopefully we will soon do better.

--- David <inyone@yahoo.com>   "as much pleading as you can grovel"

> This may be of no help to you or what you even care to hear,
> however, before you go through all that extremes for matters you can
> not control or have lost control over, I would suggest that you work
> out the matters with the driving with as much pleading that you can
> grovel, talk about your mother and how you are her only source for
> help, and that at the least you need a conditional license to work
> and such matters.

> Then in closing, forgive me for this statement and I am sure that
> many others will probably be saying other wise about what I am to
> say, but, when all else fails, and you have done your best, then
> petition the court to relinquish your paternal rights and all
> responsibilities with your child ....

> Look, its harsh and I believe with my heart, detrimental to the
> child and to the father, but, then again, what good am I if I no
> longer live either.  Sometimes, we have to love ourselves first in
> order to survive, and unfortunately this is what the system is
> placing us against.  I welcome all comments, but please, no
> profanity regarding my comment.

--- Barbara Fargen <meandmyattitude1@yahoo.com>

> I find you admitting to non payment of child support very
> disturbing. You are 55,000 dollars behind and the court is ignoring
> this and you are not behind bars on a felony charge? It is quite
> sick how the courts favor fathers over mothers who are behind on
> support.

Not sure if you had a chance to read the details, please check
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/support/lyons2.pdf and let me know what you
think.

> My daughter got $2,000. behind in support and got brought up on
> felony charges and was told either pay up or go to jail. Her crime
> being, she is poor and does have another child to raise.  Very eye
> opening to the bias state of our country. Children have a right to
> be brought up in a normal environment and not be pushed back and
> forth from one home to another.  Her expenses to travel back and
> forth from Rhode Island to Wisconsin are not

VERY sorry to hear about your daughter.  Actually, I am in a situation
similar to hers with my son being relocated out west.  They just want
your money, they don't want you.  They think that just providing
dollar bills is support?!

> considered anything to do with child support, or all the clothes she
> buys her daughter because deadbeat, violent, abusive dad won't work
> and has child on welfare. In the State of Wisconsin child abuse is
> legal, if it's the bio-father committing the crime. Something is
> real wrong with the system when all a man has to do is scream PAS
> and he gets custody. The courts have forgotten that a mother has a
> reason to protect her children from abuse, it's called love, and a
> bonding that no man can ever understand.

Our group has about an equal number of Mom's and Dad's, and some
members in Wisconsin.  I have seen similar claims sent to me by
Fathers with Mom's as the 'bad one'.  If we hope to make things better
we really need to approach this as parents.  Parents who have a Civil
Right to be EQUAL parents to their kids, and AKidsRight to have BOTH
parents involved in their lives.  Let me know what you think of our
approach at - http://www.AKidsRight.Org/approach.htm

> Thank God for PBS who had the courage to air "Breaking The Silence"
> Children's Stories. They had the courage to expose Parent Alienation
> Syndrome for what it really is.
> Mothers Uniting Against PAS! 

Actually, that show was very bias and PBS itself had to run an apology
for being one sided and actual concealing that one of the mom's had
been a convicted child abuser?
http://www.glennsacks.com/pbs/pbs-ombudsman.php

Please, we don't help anyone when we tear each other apart.  I love my
son deeply as I'm sure your daughter loves her child very much and it
tears her heart out to be separated and missing all those special
times that can't be repeated.  The problem is the system, and how easy
it is for a judge to label one parent or another expendable.

-----------

To all, Best Wishes for a VERY Merry Christmas!

                                       John Murtari
____________________________________________________________________
Coordinator                            AKidsRight.Org
jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org                "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211)        http://www.AKidsRight.Org/

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