Happy Mother's Day - and some tough FEEDBACK!

jmurtari@akidsright.org

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*Good People & People of Faith,*

 From all of us who are members and associated with Kids-Right.Org, our
best wishes for a Happy Mother's Day! A special greeting to those of
you who may not even see your children today.  A special greeting for
all those "awkward" moments this Holiday can bring: "Did your kids
send you flowers?", "We are all going out for dinner tonight, and you?"

A VERY special greeting to those of you who have to deal with family
members & friends who say, "Well, best to accept it, life goes on!",
"I'm sure whatever happened was all for the best...." Please
understand they just don't know. Would you have used those words in
talking to a slave in the 1850's? Would you have used those words in
talking to a black forced to the "back of the bus" in the 1950's?
Admit it, maybe you would have -- until you learned to understand.

On this very special day, please remember, yes, they can take away
your children -- but only you can give them your dignity. We may not
be perfect, but that does not mean we don't have a God given "right"
to participate as an equal parent in our children's lives.

A SPECIAL note, in response to a past message about visiting our
legislators after Mother's Day, we got the following email message
from a father, brief and to the point.

/=======================================
Mothers are vengeful, hateful creatures.
This so-called "Mothers Day" should be abolished.
I would never do anything to help a mother.
=======================================/

WOW, can you believe this?  How many of us have at times begun to feel
this way (perhaps replacing Fathers for Mothers?). How badly do you
have to be kicked by the system before this happens to you? Before we
become little more than a dog that bites and barks at everyone --
because it was abused?

All the best for a Happy Mother's Day -- for that is what you are and
no one can take that away!

*Your FEEDBACK - ouch!*
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In response to the last list message,
http://www.akidsright.org/archive/archive2012/0004.html

I had a pretty 'honest' dialog with a member of the group, below.  I
think he reflects what a lot of people think both about the problems
of reform and what we need to do to change things.

What to do you think?  The $64,000 question is, what's your goal &
what are YOU willing to do to make reform happen?

---------
Partial message excerpt (then FEEDBACK below):

/They didn't crucify Jesus because he wanted 'tweaks' to the system.
He believed in big change, fundamental change.  He wanted to break
through barriers and change how people thought about themselves and
each other.

So many of us give up because:

1) We're only ONE.
2) We don't have a LOT of money.
3) We don't have mass media support.
4) We don't have support from celebrities.
5) We don't have the support of politicians.

Good thing he didn't feel that way!  He did have three things we are
badly lacking.  The amazing thing about this-- they are within the
grasp of each of us.  Not next year, next month, or tomorrow -- we
could have them today!

1) He really believed.
2) He had Faith in what could happen.
3) He was willing to make personal sacrifice.

Do you believe you and your spouse are both considered Fit & Equal
parents (equal in terms of both physical and legal custody?  Do you
believe if anyone (a spouse, relative, social services) wishes to
challenge that, you have:

  1) The right to counsel.

  2) The right to be presumed a fit parent, innocent, and deserving of
  an equal relationship with your kids.

  3) The right to protection of a criminal jury and a unanimous
  verdict.  The "state" needs to prove you were a demonstrated serious
  and intentional threat to your child's safety and that you acted with
  mal-intent towards your children./
-----------

From:   Sanjay Srikonda <sanjsrik@yahoo.com>

 > He kind of also had the power of his believers spreading stories of
 > miracles and that he lived in a time when "records" were second-hand
 > in nature and were not documented by a biased media.

 > Yes, he DID die for his beliefs, yet, whether you want to believe it
 > or not, no one knows if he even existed. He could have been nothing
 > more than a very brilliant PR trick. The thing you constantly fail
 > to recognize is that the PR angle of everything is what the
 > opponents of shared parenting do.  Not sure what to make of it.
 > Jesus Christ a PR creation?  I think you will find historians
 > agreeing that he certainly did exist and there are references to his
 > life in other sources...

N/ot sure what to make of it.  Jesus Christ a PR creation?  I think you
will find historians agreeing that he certainly did exist and there
are references to his life in other sources... - John
/
 > I've suggested for years that we start campaigns, just like the milk
 > cartons ones where you see missing children, instead, missing
 > parents where you put the caption, "Have you seen my children,
 > because I am not allowed to".

 > No one wants to use the same tactics that the opponents of shared
 > parenting have used.

/Public relations is essential, but is it the 'pretend' stuff we
normally associate with TV ad campaigns, or real?  Why would we want
to use the tactics of our opponents, many who rely on lying,
misrepresentation, and exaggeration?  If Martin Luther King had used
the tactics of the White groups opposing desegregation -- he would
have burned white people's houses down? - John
/

 > You're really no different. You talk about unifying forces yet, you
 > consistently don't listen to anyone's opinions to do something
 > radical, not violent, not climbing atop buildings, not scrawling in
 > front of courthouses with the sole intent of getting only your story
 > heard and in the newspaper.

Maybe I do listen, but don't always agree.  You've been on the mailing
list for a while.  I always acknowledge that many different efforts
are needed for reform.  Some of the very ideas you talk about.  But I
also emphasize public demonstration of self sacrifice is also an
essential part of that effort... - John

 > How come no one thinks of things that would help the children?
 > I've offered my services to both you and other organizations
 > numerous times, you've ignored them. How is it that the makers of
 > "Support System Down" never once air their documentary in a venue
 > that is receptive?

 > Who has ever approached the producers of Frontline to do a expose on
 > family courts?

 > Everything is a crisis only if you never stop screaming into the
 > wind hoping that everyone else won't cover their ears because no one
 > EVER listens to screaming idiots. Yet, they do listen when their
 > kids are in jeopardy.

 > Do you know WHY nothing changes? No one believes the kids are in
 > jeopardy. What they do believe is we're all a bunch of self-serving
 > nuts who don't care about the kids. The opposition did this quietly
 > and without public opinion, all we're doing is calling attention to
 > our stupidity.

 >
 > Anyone who looks at anything we're doing after the fact, is going to 
have two opinions:
 >
 > 1. sour grapes
 > 2. why didn't you do anything before the laws were enacted?
 >
 > You know what the response should be?
 >
 > Ignore #1

 > Expose #2 and the corrupt politicians who allowed it to happen. How
 > come no one follows the money? Where does it go? Who does it benefit

 > No one likes seeing exploited children, yet, isn't that what the
 > whole divorce and custody and child support system is about?  Follow
 > the money. Expose the perpetrators. If they can't answer for why
 > things are the way they are, wouldn't that embarrass them enough to
 > make those who made these laws less culpable at their door?  I can't
 > explain why no one works together, except that every one of us is a
 > walking open sore that only screams about our own plight, yet, who
 > concentrates on the money trail.  Do you remember that Watergate was
 > exposed not because of corrupt politics but because someone followed
 > the money?

/Following the money can solve crimes and explains motivations, but it
doesn't always change how people think.  What approach will work.  You
keep trying, and so will I, and so will others -- until something
happens. - John/

-- Next Message:

 > By the way, your argument below has major flaws:

1) The right to counsel.

 > By whom? public defenders/lawyers are overloaded, they don't care,
 > who is going to put in any amount of effort to a dad/mom who is
 > struggling to get by, don't forget, anyone who challenges custody
 > and child support is only seen as someone who doesn't want to pay.

  2) The right to be presumed a fit parent, innocent, and deserving of
  an equal relationship with your kids.

 > Really? So, when a guardian ad-litem says in an open court, where
 > nothing is recorded and they WORK FOR the judge who pretty much has
 > no oversight into their actions nor any way of challenging their
 > decisions, after all, the law guardian works for the court, NOT the
 > parents, why is it that no one challenges this illegality? How is it
 > that these "lawyers" with no more than a requirement of 2 years out
 > of law school and a "course" in family litigation is allowed to
 > interview minors without a parent present, and oftentimes brought to
 > them BY the custodial parent who can tell the child whatever they
 > want with NO indication to the non-custodial parent that they are
 > even taking the child to the law guardian ever have any recourse. By
 > the time we (non-custodial) parents are "interviewed" by the law
 > guardian, there has already been a clear-cut case of bias, something
 > the courts are NOT allowed to engage in. Who keeps records of law
 > guardians' decisions? Who has ever done an expose on them?

3) The right to protection of a criminal jury and a unanimous
  verdict.  The "state" needs to prove you were a demonstrated serious
  and intentional threat to your child's safety and that you acted
  with mal-intent towards your children.

 > How many courts have you sat in where the custodial parent was
 > abusive, a drug addict, someone you wouldn't let take care of your
 > goldfish, yet, they are granted custody or primary custody of the
 > children?

 > FOLLOW THE MONEY.

 > If we can take down entire presidencies by following the money, how
 > come we can't change a corrupt system? Expose enough cockroaches in
 > the system and the light will make the rest scurry.

/I really didn't understand your criticisms here?  These guidelines
apply the same protections we use to protect our personal FREEDOM, to
protecting our relationship with our children.  #3 is the critical
item, it doesn't matter what a Judge or Guardian 'thinks' until you
have been first convicted in criminal court of a serious crime against
your kids and acting with mal-intent.- John

/
-- Sanjay replies:

 > The thing worse than a zealot is a zealot with a grudge. Your grudge
 > is you can't see past your own dilemma. You keep writing this is for
 > the children. Yet, the system is funded and maintained by the
 > money. Without that life-blood, it would collapse.

 > Oh, well, I am guessing you can't see the forest for your tree.

/I'm not sure what is wrong.  We don't have any argument.  It is a
terrible system, but it can be changed.  The same way segregation was
changed.  We don't have to argue with others, but just demonstrate our
own worth as parents of our kids and the love we have for our
children.

My approach could be wrong, other ways make work better, but as
always, time will tell.- John
/

-- Sanjay replies:

 > We have a very basic argument.  You refuse to tackle the real
 > issue. Keep pissing into the wind.

 > Segregation changed not because a single individual made it change
 > but because she inspired a movement. You've inspired nothing. That
 > is the sad thing you won't accept. You've inspired lots of
 > individuals to piss into the wind based on your example. All that
 > has produced is many streams of uselessness.

 > Your "approach" isn't "wrong", it's simply misguided. You haven't a
 > clue about how to work the same system that has beaten us down.  You
 > are naive about following the money.  In the end, if you want
 > change, use the same tools that have been used against you. Oh,
 > wait, you're too busy buying chalk and wishing you could see your
 > child.

 > We have a very basic argument.  You refuse to tackle the real
 > issue. Keep pissing into the wind.

 > Segregation changed not because a single individual made it change
 > but because she inspired a movement. You've inspired nothing. That
 > is the sad thing you won't accept. You've inspired lots of
 > individuals to piss into the wind based on your example. All that
 > has produced is many streams of uselessness.

 > Your "approach" isn't "wrong", it's simply misguided. You haven't a
 > clue about how to work the same system that has beaten us down.

 > You are naive about following the money.  In the end, if you want
 > change, use the same tools that have been used against you. Oh,
 > wait, you're too busy buying chalk and wishing you could see your
 > child.

-- 

                                        John Murtari

____________________________________________________________________

Coordinator                            AKidsRight.Org

jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org                "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"

(315) 944-0999,x-211                   http://www.AKidsRight.Org/

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